I couldn’t get myself into a celebratory mood ON Mother’s Day, until late in the evening. Ever since my Mother is no longer with us, I get a very “heavy” feeling this day.
It does not happen every year, so I think there maybe other issues beyond the sadness I feel for losing my Mother.
One of the things that affected me badly is the fact that I was not there when she died, despite the fact that I could have been. It is true, she was far away (she retired to Israel) but we were meeting nearly annually, either by us traveling to Israel or she visiting the states.
I think this is a heavy burden that will stay with me for life (I assume), even dough I did not know the extent of her sickness, because every time we talked on the phone she was always assuring me that she is fine. It was too late when I learned that for whatever reason(s) she did not tell me the truth.